Malfoy Madness vol14
by Librarybeauty
Summary: You know your bitchy when they compare you to a Malfoy wife beacuse let's face it they are rich, spoiled, loved and just happen to have better hair then all of us. DMHG ONESHOT RATED M. volume 14.


Author's note: I couldn't resist updating

Author's note: I couldn't resist updating. I had to! I really did. Sorry…we are back home now so everything is almost too normal. Except that I might be leaving for New York next week, except this time it's without my husband's mom and we will be going for a business deal with some leading associates. Woohoo the big apple. One of my favorite places to visit…anyway it might mean I won't be able to update for awhile. Sorry lovelies-Ebony.

Disclaimer:

Me: J.K. Rowling has all the rights to Harry Potter reserved in her name which thereby states that I henceforth have no power with the characters to sell or gain profit…happy Lucius?

Lucius: That will do…wait one more thing…

Me: I…fine! Everything else that has nothing to do with me, if it wasn't made up or if it wasn't from my cerebellum it belongs to the comedian, writer or legendary person who came up with it…happy?

Lucius: Okay, that's all.

- Rated M for mature Malfoy Madness…because Malfoy's do it better.

Special thanks: **Kandygurl4**, thanks for being the first to review! I hope you like this chapter. You're a love. **AerintheWhiteKnight, **I know you wanted asses to get kicked and maybe it will happen. You'll just have to read. **Dolphinroxy, **Yes I love shoes. You may find it hard to believe that I have fifty pairs of designer heels; however Hermione gets millions because she is a Malfoy, and Malfoys have everything! I'm not a big spongebob fan I just thought it would be a funny concept to see Narcissa have to listen to him describe it. Glad you liked the chapter, spongebob and that you reviewed. **Riskaautumnmarie, **Thank you! You're such a sweetheart for saying so! Thanks for the review. **J2poet **-throws you to the ground and hugs you- I love long reviews! Thank you thank you thank you! To find out what happens to Shirley then scroll down. Yes Jock is very cuddly and loveable. Yes spongebob isn't one of the funniest cartoons but I don't hate it. I however think he is annoying. I wish I could buy you some shoes, cause then you'd now how it feels to be addicted to leather…in so many wrong ways. Well the whole Ron's nose thing was funny, and like you Draco and his friends got a kick out of it too. Are you sure your not slytherin Like me? Because I really want to kill Mione's father…but I'm deciding if I should or not. **Twitchy the Squirrel, -hugs you tight- **yeah your like a friend because I always looks forward to your reviews and they always have constructive criticism. I love shoes! I have shoes! I buy shoes! I am my shoes! Yes and libraries, I always wanted a beauty and the beast library…omfg! That'd be the fucking best! I'm glad you enjoyed the Max/Grandmere scene and the sexy mysterious professor is Snape! Hahahaha Jock has a crush on him. Also Ron had hexed Hermione to speak Russian so that's why she pushed him down the hill. However I will work on my spelling and capitalization. You're the bomb; you're like my other slytherin sister. Well that is if you're a slytherin. Personally I always thought as myself as a slytherin. Much love darling. **Auntiem911**, Well just scroll down and you'll see what happens to Shirley! Thanks for the review, sugar. **Tvaddict1981, **You know what? So did me and my friends! We got the idea from steel magnolias and we decided to dress up as nuns and go bar hopping! It's fun huh? Everybody gives you different looks…I loved it! We made up this whole fake story that we were coming out of the convent and tonight was our last night of virginity! You have no idea how many guys were like 'hey…did you fall from heaven?' Anyway, thanks for the review darling. **Avchocoholic, **Nope Marlene has a weird relationship with her baby's father, and yes you'll just have to see what happens to Shirley. You're a doll. **Phelix, **I love your reviews…you just say what you want to say! I love that! Thanks again sweetheart! **Mentarisenja** Thanks! I'm glad you like it! You're a darling. **Ebbe04**, Thanks for the review, you're a sweet heart! I'm glad you like my series!

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-9 signs you're too bitchy…

9. Rumor has it that Naomi Campbell thinks you're a bit high-strung.

8. Your guy has claw marks all over his back even though you haven't had sex for three weeks.

7. You routinely yell at your houseplants for being too demanding.

6. You no longer receive phone calls from telemarketers apparently, word has gotten around.

6. Your boyfriend or husband or partner has instructed the local florist to send you flowers with an "I'm sorry!" note every 10 days, rain or shine.

5. When you get assigned to a project at work, your teammates all make that face guys make when they see someone get hit in the groin with a baseball.

4. Even your mom screens your calls.

3. You just inked a six-figure deal with Midol to be their new spokesperson.

2. Most of your first dates these days end in tears…his tears.

1. Your last name just happens to be Malfoy.

-

**A trip down memory lane…**

**Hermione stood there in the halls of Hogwarts…her books were heavy but yet again Harry and Ron didn't offer to help. Ron looked strange and people were whispering when she passed by. Suddenly she felt her body bump into someone, "Oh, pardon me."**

**Pansy Parkinson stood there, she was panting apparently she had chased Hermione from the library and finally caught up, "Granger…stay…here."**

**Hermione looked at Pansy like she was insane, why? Was it some type of trick? "No…I will not fall for another trick Parkinson…"**

**Pansy glares at Ron and then at Hermione, "Look I was told to keep you in the hallway…"**

**Hermione rolls her eyes and begins to walk, "by whom…Malfoy and his gang if you will excuse me I have to get to my common room…" she starts to walk again, this time Grabbe and Goyle stopped her. "Ugh…what do you want?"**

**Grabbe smiled nervously, "Stay in the hallway…"**

**She pushes him aside, "No…I will not stay in the hallway! What do you want from me?"**

**This time she had no time to react, because Draco Malfoy ran up the hall grabbed her and kissed her. It was like 3 seconds of her life just flashed before her eyes. **

**At first it was a soft experimental kiss, but Draco looked like he had enjoyed it. **

**Hermione is frozen in shock and her books are scattered all over the floor. People stare in shock, amazement and last but not least with 'wtf' faces plastered. **

**However Draco's friends smiled and nodded, after hearing Draco talk about Granger for the past week he finally did something about it. **

**Hermione looked up at him for a few seconds, somehow that kiss sent off a million fireworks. This time she kissed him back. Causing him to be caught off-guard…but he accepted.**

**Ron and Harry, who were once ignoring her, were now looking at the two in shock. Ron's face turned to anger.**

**Draco leaned in for more kissing. What turned out as a simple kiss turned into a snog session. Like opposites attracting. It was the best thing to happen to sex since love.**

**They pulled apart; most slytherins were happy and a bit confused, well on behalf that everybody knew from eavesdropping on Draco's group that he wanted to kiss her and had a crush on her.**

**Gryffindors were shocked that Ron didn't get to kiss her first and on the other hand that Hermione was snogging Draco Malfoy…**

**The other houses stayed out, it was like a competition between the two houses. Which person would get to her first…the slytherins won and it couldn't be good…not good at all. Especially because Gryffindors always fought back…and they expected Ron not to be to happy.**

**When they pulled apart Hermione took a deep breath and laughed. She giggled because her stomach was in knots and her body felt so fluttery. Then she felt like it might be a trick to embarrass her…**

**Draco smiled at her, Merlin she would be a great lay. He was addicted to it, he wanted more…he wanted to lose himself in her curls and suck on her milky skin till marks showed and her body was his possession and his alone. "Granger?"**

**Hermione looks up, "Yeah Malfoy?"**

"**You want to go to Hoagsmede with me tomorrow?"**

**Hermione smiles, somehow she wanted to say no but her lips said "Yeah…"**

**Ron had enough, he walked over and said, "Are you out of your fucking mind! **

**Draco's happy smug face was turned into a smirk, he on the other hand was happy that Hermione was his now and there was nothing Weasel could do about it. **

**Ron came up and said, "He is just going to use you Hermione…don't…Hermione he is an idiot…"**

**Hermione stood there, she should have known better. The two starred at each other in dead silence, like there was a fight about to happen…**

**She hated fights; she never fought…so this bothered her. "Stop it!"**

**Ron and Draco looked at Hermione. Draco smiled and looked at Ron and then back at his friends, he had the perfect idea. He walks up to Hermione and caresses her face and Chin and kisses her softly, "Whatever you wish Darling…he isn't worth my time."**

**Hermione almost fell to her knees, she stood there smiling like a love-sick puppy. "Oh…okay…" Then again that was the first time she had snogged anybody and wasn't her normal book-worm self. She would do anything Draco said, anything.**

**He turns around and sees a red-faced Ron tightening his knuckles and scathing his teeth and smiles at Hermione, "See you tomorrow love…good night."**

**Hermione nodded and as Draco left everybody starred at her in the hallway, Ron blew up! He stampeded away and was cursing the whole time. Harry didn't know what to do, so he followed Ron. **

**Hermione never fought, even though her insides were fighting over her feelings toward Draco and Ron.**

**End of flashback…**

**-**

**-**

**-**

Hermione stares at Shirley and feels the anger rise. She can't breath, she feels like her lungs have been invaded with red-hot heat of anger. That her body is at the highest temperature and if she touched anyone at this certain moment they'd burn. Her mind starts racing, from her father's wife. To her kids, to everything this particular Woman has done to her. The things she has said to Hermione. The times Hermione had tired desperately to be nice to her! Nothing…nothing worked. All the times Hermione swallowed her tongue and kept to herself all those times were blown out the window and now Shirley Freebitch had crossed the line. She had never been one for fighting and she wasn't going to start now. However she had something more powerful then a fist to the jaw, she had words.

Pansy and Ginny stare at Hermione, they see her grip tighten on her cell phone and she stands, walks up to Shirley and surprisingly smiles, "Yes…well what a lovely day isn't it…" Her smirk is definitely Malfoy worthy and her tone suggests she just took lessons from Narcissa on how to scare the shit out of someone.

Shirley steps back a bit and realizes how much Hermione towers over her. Then again she was wearing a pair of heels. "Well…yes it is a lovely day but…"

Hermione had learned how to fight like a Malfoy from watching her in-laws and Draco do it so many times while she stood in the sidelines and step one was to get the main person's posse to feel comfortable. She looks at the other mothers, "Hello I'm Hermione, and sorry we never met."

The other mothers were indeed flattered; they smiled and then turned back into mean mothers after they saw Shirley's face.

Step two, was to confront the main person of conflict, Hermione smiles and thinks to herself what Narcissa would do and like Max and his bright ideas she had a great one, "Shirley, as it would appear that you are so interested in my personal life, it leads me to believe you don't have one of your own."

Shirley's eyes bulged, "Excuse me; I have a personal life…thank you."

Hermione acts like a mother, "Now dear I wasn't finished don't interrupt me…"

Pansy and Ginny stood there. Pansy looked very amused and Ginny stood there wondering what happened to nice little bookworm Mione who never wanted to bother anybody….oh wait she was fucked by a Malfoy so now she is evil.

"Now as I was saying dear, my life is my own. Yes it may be portrayed out on the news from time to time but as a mother I'd rather keep it to myself. My children however are also none of your fucking business and the way I chose to raise them is my own business…got it? Another thing Mrs.Freebush the next time you ever confront me or anybody on the way they raise their children you better have a legal document giving you the rights to do so. I'm not afraid of using powers of the governments to make you mind your own business. You do know I am part of a wealthy family…well of course you do your whole world seems to rotate on the false fact that I'm a bad wealthy mother."

Shirley was speechless…and she went to talk but Hermione made her shutup, "ugh dear, I wasn't finished speaking. You do know it is rude to interrupt? As I was saying next time you chose to use me or my children as personal involvement in your little mind and self-amused games I will not be afraid to sue you for certain discomfort to the cause…do you get what I am saying?"

Shirley and her friends stood there almost as shocked.

"You know it is even more impolite not to answer a question when it is directed at you?" Hermione asks knowing Shirley was pissed. She remembers Lucius using the same line on a few delegates after he insulted them…it worked every time.

Shirley breathed and finally squirmed, "You can't sue me, and it's simple I believe I asked you a question first…"

Hermione nodded, "Yes but a question that was entirely none of your business…." This is where Hermione became a bitch, "Look Shirley, I choose to not do this in front of our children and as far as I am concerned you're the bad mother…not me for wanting to have this big cat-fight in front of children. The fact is you're not worth my time…Another thing I can and will sue you for is spreading false and heinous rumors of child endangerment or would you like me to charge you for false pretences to the third degree…trust me and don't mess with me. Next time I see you or anybody comes to tell me you've been on their ass you better expect to have a lawsuit or me on your ass…and you don't want to see me when I'm very angry…do you get what I'm saying? Before I woke up this morning I didn't want to hurt you, but you make it sort of….Hard. Because all I want to do right now is slam your four dollar haircut into the sidewalk put my nine-inch stilettos into your face and treat you like the nasty scummy worth of life you are. Now would you please wrap yourself in a towel and trip over a hedge you desperate housewife wannabe because as far as I am concerned I'm wasting my time talking to you."

Shirley swallowed her emotions and was giving Hermione the joy of seeing her fear. Something no one had ever seen on Shirley, and she had nothing to say. Hermione had proved a point and said it clearly and was afraid to say some lame half-assed comment back because nothing could top that…nothing could.

Ginny and Pansy also realized something; Hermione was just like Elizabeth and Narcissa. Except maybe…a bit more bitchy. If that was possible.

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"Anyway like I was saying we have to do something about Elle." Hermione looks at Shaun, who is pissed once again.

Shaun shakes his head, "What is wrong with our dad, man he is a fucking idiot and I'm tired of it."

Marline smiles and eats a cookie, "I say we smart individuals completely exclude her from our environment."

Shaun looks at her, "Yo mama, English please…"

Marline laughs, "Fine…I say we just don't talk to her…"

Hermione sips her coffee, "Come on, we have to do something…I mean don't we?"

Shaun shakes his head, "Let the bitch go through what mum went through, I bet she was all happy when mum died…"

Hermione sips her coffee, "We can't prove that…and Shaun imagine if you didn't marry Wendy would you want her in this situation?"

Shaun shakes his head and looks up, "No…no I will not imagine Wendy in that situation. Because unlike Richard Granger the bastard who left me and you and mum. Mione. I'm a man. Man enough to take my responsibility for my family and the fact that I have a child. Sadly I had to get that particular gene from mum, God rest her soul. So yes Hermione it is your choice if you want to become friends with her, but I will have no part of it."

Marline sat there silent, "Wait, just because T.J. isn't going to be always around my baby does that mean…I'm like Elle?"

Hermione shakes her head, "No you made T.J. not be around it was your choice….however it wasn't Elle's choice to have my dad leave her." Hermione looks sad and looks at her brother, "Shaun if I help Elle out, will you….will you be angry like you were with dad? You won't speak to me anymore."

Shaun looks up and has a better question, "If you help out Elle, will you stop speaking to Richard?"

Hermione thinks and nods, "Probably…"

Shaun smiles, "Then no Hermione, I love you enough to know that you like to help people. That it's in your blood to help people out, god knows why? But you like to help people and Richard Granger has ruined a lot of things in my life, my relationship with my sister won't be one of them. Even if it took a whore to help you to realize Richard Granger is a self-conceited arse that is a panda kept in the captivity that is marriage and is hyped on Viagra…"

Marline laughs.

Hermione looks at her, "What you laugh now? He has passed some serious funny jokes and you laugh now?" She was joking but Marline was smiling.

Marline looks up smiling, "My baby kicked…"

Hermione looked at her brother, "Well Richard anyway, doesn't have the same mind as you...god gave men two organs a brain and a penis unfortunately they can't be active at the same time."

Shaun rolls his eyes, "Did you know Richard is an atheist, remember when mum took us to church and Da-Richard stayed home?"

Hermione shrugs, "Doesn't surprise me…remember the whole tree theory he told us."

He nods, "you mean the one where he dies and becomes fertilizer and turns into a tree…yeah."

Hermione sits there and takes a deep breath, "I hope one day a lumberjack cuts him down, puts him into a wood shredder and turns him into paper and then…then they print the bible on his sorry ass!"

-

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The girls were getting their nails done…

Mary says giggling, "Then the guy says 'look I don't know why your buying a bra you got nothing to put in it' and then she said 'well you wear pants don't you?'"

The girls cracked up laughing.

Hermione looked at the nail specialist, "Kaki could you make mine French manicured on the tip?"

The nail specialist nodded and starts to cut away.

Jock giggles, "That tickles…stop it…stop it…stop it!" he is cracking up laughing as the other's stare at him…his nail specialist doesn't seem to care, she just keeps trying to do his feet while he moves them around. Apparently annoyed, she holds his foot down and starts to scrub.

Pansy turns towards Mione, "anyway…so you talked with your brother?"

Hermione nods, "Yeah…and he doesn't want me to see Elle, but if I go to see Elle and turn against my father and help Elle away from my father and then stop helping her after she needs it, then were good."

Ginny twinkles her toes as the pedicurist messages them, "okay, so…this means you can Help Elle but only until she doesn't need it and you're not allowed to help her get back with your dad?"

Hermione nods, "And I have to call him Richard now…"

Mary looks at her toes with embarrassment she hasn't had them done…ever. She is what Jock calls a nail-bedded virgin. "So what now you turn against your father?"

Hermione nods, "Yeah, I guess…"

Jock snorts, "Honey…honey that's my tickle spot hahahahahahaha stop it….stop it…stop it." His little pedicurist is getting annoyed.

Pansy changes the subject, "Okay, so we have that stupid Redford benefit tomorrow evening and I was wondering…" she turns towards Mary, "Mary could you watch my kids for an hour…we fired our last nanny…Ill pay you big money and they'll be in bed before you even get there."

Mary smiled, "Of course…I'd love to…"

Pansy smiles, "good because I was afraid I'd have to leave them with Blaise's parents….I mean at first it sounded like fun…but they were actually good with the kids and when we got back they decided to school me on raising my kids! Look who is talking…I mean she had more husbands that mysteriously disappeared. I was so close to asking her if any of their past grandfathers had anything to say…oh that's right you probably killed them for their money…"

Ginny is cracking up laughing, "Sometimes I wonder what my in-laws could have been like?"

Hermione smiles, "No you don't dear, you are one of the blessed people that don't have in-laws…even if it was a terrible way for them to go…be happy you only have your parents. God love Narcissa and Lucius but trust me…you wonder from time to time if you could ever live without the on-going battle over the way you raise your kids or the countdown in the back of your brain that eats you alive as days get closer and closer to Christmas dinner with them…"

Mary bursts out laughing, "You should write a book Mione…seriously write a book."

Jock smiles, "Okay how about when you're dating someone and there mother wants to know if we ever get married who is going to be the bride…I'm going to be the bride! Damnit so what? she is calling me the husky gay man? I get my nails and hair done more then her precious little model of a son!" he turns towards the pedicurist, "Do you have a lite pink you can put on there like a playboy playmate pink? You know because I want to be festive for Hermione's problem…"

Hermione smiles and looks at Pansy, "Ever have one of those days where you're supposed to go to a benefit and then your kid gets sick and you can't go. You're sad about your child being sick but happy about not going. Then your husband throws a fit and goes alone and when he comes back home your covered in barf and dog slobber and your hair is full of fruit-loops and you realize you still had more fun then he did?"

This time everybody cracks up laughing.

Hermione finishes, "Well that's what this Redford benefit is going to be like because Teagan is sick…"

Pansy laughs, "Less-fortunate people have better parties, I mean you break something it's like 'Ohhh don't worry about it' and when your at stupid benefits you stand around drink bubbly while the men talk about money and you stand there and smile and maybe every once and awhile you get to talk to a wife of another diplomat oh and if you break something….it's like the main thing to happen on the itinerary. Merlin, I haven't been to a good keg party in years."

Hermione adds, "You know just go by the code…"

The other's except Pansy all say, "What code?"

Hermione and Pansy smile. Pansy decides to tell them the code, "The code is what you follow at those parties…"

Hermione smiles, "First always be with your husband, never leave astray or go get a drink for two reasons…."

"Gossip will start that you're fighting or someone will hit on your husband…" Pansy and Hermione are finishing each other's sentences.

"Well the only time you can leave your husband is if you're talking to one of his close friends wives or if the host has asked to show you around…" Pansy points out.

"Second, only talk to five couples that night, and choose wisely usually you'd pick the most important individuals and the guests of honor." Hermione puts her hand up as a signal of five.

"Third, never ever bring up a conversation with a drunk man…you'll end up on the cover of entertainment section under gossip of the daily prophet." Pansy giggles, "I should know."

"Fourth, Always wear your prettiest worst shoes, because you will dance with your husband when things get boring…very boring… also if drunk man from gossip column decides to vomit…he will go in for your shoes…" Hermione huffs and closes her eyes, "My poor Ricci heels from last year were ruined by some drunk man form Australia."

"Fifth, if you give a speech keep it sweet, simple, sour and straight to the point…what we call a lemon sorbet Q and A. Never keep it longer then Ten minutes….because nobody cares what you did before your came or what you're doing after they just want to know how much the benefit has raised, why they even came and then what the hell are they raising the money for." Pansy smirks, "Hermione should know she is going to be doing next months benefit for ST Mungos…"

"Finally sixth thing you always remember at benefits is…"

Hermione and Pansy say it together, "Always remember that nobody really wants to be there they are also counting down the minutes like a firebomb to get the hell out of there!"

Mary looks at them, "Holy shit…it's like a whole other world isn't it?"

Ginny frowns, "Weird, seriously…you guys are the reason me and Harry avoid those things…"

Jock is more scared, "Oh my God! Darling that's what happened to your shoes? I mean I know Pansy was fed and taught this stuff at age three but darling…your shoes…your beautiful shoes. It's like the world came crashing and ending in those three seconds the man decided to hurl on you….did you scream? It's like a horrible teenager horror whore movie. The cheerleader girls run around with the football players in their little skimpy evening dresses and then as your dancing and having a good time one geek from the library decides he wants to get drunk and then like every good horror movie the Gay guy, pretty whore or black man gets sought out first! Then there across the room is innocent Hermione and WHAM…your shoes are ruined…Makes me want to scream, yell and wear a cheerleading costume on a date with my boy toy…"

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While the women are away the boys will play…

Draco sits there playing poker, "Have you ever had a fight with your wife and realized you just want to fight because you're bored? Seriously the other say I caught myself yelling at Hermione because of her shoes…I don't give a fuck about shoes?"

Blaise nodded and played a card, "Yeah or caught yourself actually wanting to make her cry. I don't mean the loud balling crying….that's just obnoxious. I'm talking about the little tear that makes her wipe the tear and say 'now why would you say something like that?'"

Goyle laughs, "Glad I'm not married, even though Vanessa's on my arse about kids and shit…look not that there's anything wrong with kids but I swear she is just after my swimmers."

Grabbe snorts and puts his cigar down, "Well I'm engaged and ready to blow my head off from all the fucking wedding plans…I mean I don't even know what stagger the realize means…" he smirks, "Unless its in the sack."

Max comes rolling into the study on a skateboard and then out the other door, "Hey dad…bye dad…" Albus follows on his toy broom.

Blaise huffs, "Merlin…I get sick and tired of living in a house full of girls…be lucky you have a son Draco."

Draco looks proud and plays a card, "I am…its good to have a boy around Merlin knows what I'd do with just Teagan and Mione…once I saw on the ultrasound a extra finger it was like wait…YES SCORE!"

Max comes back in with Albus chasing him, "Wait Max…lets go bother your maid again! Watch her go." He turns on a sissy voice "Get away from me! AHHH."

The two boys crack up laughing, Max suggests, "Or we can go bother the cook…" he puts on a mocking French voice, "Zee Kichan iz zee only place I can cook out! Out!"

They run off laughing evilly.

Goyle raises his eyebrows, "Isn't that potter's kid?"

Draco shrugs, "So?"

Grabbe looks at him, "Have you lost your fucking brain?"

Blaise laughs, "Please Albus is not that bad of a kid trust me, he reminds me of his mother more then Potter."

Draco looks up, "So what? Can you imagine the face on Potter after he hears his kid is in slytherin with Max…trust me its innocent."

Goyle adds, "And because if you want to be fucked by your wife you have to keep your mouth shut."

They all laugh and put there cards down.

Blaise looks up from laughing in his hands, "Merlin, that's priceless…"

Draco has the last laugh, "Have you ever seen my wife naked? I don't think so…"

They all look at him, Goyle smiles. "What is the bookworm like in bed anyway?"

Grabbe is now interested, he doesn't even care about the cards in front of him, "Yeah…Draco enlighten us in why you sacrifice your son playing with potter's kid for your wife…please fill us in on all the details."

Draco wonders when they were back in slytherin; the last time they had done this was like sixth year. He huffs and feels like he has the need to gain some male dominance and shares anyway, "She is better then any witch, I mean at first it was like I was her teacher but then she wanted to try new things."

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Hermione comes back home and puts her purse down on the table in the foyer. She looks into it as she looks for her cell phone.

Suddenly she isn't alone, Grabbe walks by and is staring at her funny he smiles and nods his head, "Mione…lovely evening." He snickers and leaves the front doors.

Goyle walks in, "Hello Mione…lovely evening isn't it?" he leaves too out the huge mahogany doors and has a secretive smile plastered.

Hermione gulps and walks toward the study, she has no idea why they looked at her like a naked model but she has a feeling. "Draco…"

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Instead of yelling Fore Jock yells, "WHORE!"

Hermione stands there in her tartan mini, an emerald green sweeter and her hair in a bun….golfing was one of those sports she never really cared for. However she was exceptionally good at. "Nice jock, now they expect a whore to come hitting them in the face instead of a golf-ball."

Jock folds his arm and wipes his hair to the side and smiles, "All for the fun of it dear…"

Hermione swings and the ball goes far, she usually took her anger out on golf…maybe why she was so good. Jock wondered how good she would be at boxing if she ever wanted to do it instead of golf.

Jock decides to ask her a question, when she is concentrating on the ball…pretending the balls are her father's head or actual balls. "Dear, have you talked to Elle yet?"

Hermione turns around after she hits another white ball clear across the green plains. "Yes, were supposed to meet tomorrow."

Jock stands there and watches Hermione hit really well, "You're hiding something Mione…"

Hermione slams another ball clear across the green again, "What am I hiding Jock?" she doesn't even look up she just places another ball on the tee.

Jock watches her concentrate on the ball and puts his hands on his khaki cleaned hips, "Mione, where did you learn to play golf this well?"

Hermione hits the ball again, this time it lands and rolls into a flagged hole.

Hermione turns around, "Draco, Draco's parents…anger…"

Jock watches her hit ball after ball after ball with so much force; it was like almost annoying, then again very interesting. "Sweetie, really maybe we should go take a break at the bar…get a salad and chillax."

Hermione takes off her Louis Vutton sunglasses and puts them on top of her head and points down towards one of the hole, where a group of people are playing golf, "Is that Freebitch?"

Jock turns around and squints, "Well…I believe it is…" Before he can even ask her a question, Hermione sends a ball down in that direction with a forceful swing from her golf club and in slow motion Jock watches as the white ball goes clear straight into Shirley Freebush's head.

He turns around and looks at a pleasured Hermione who looks like she has a look of vengeance pleasure on her face, she smiles in Shirley direction and shrugs with her hands in the air and yells, "Sorry forgot to yell WHORE!"

Shirley Freebush who at first looked angry, but once she saw who had done it quickly changed her face to a smile and waved pretending she was okay to avoid talking to Hermione.

Jock is shocked; sweet Hermione had just turned into a bitch in four quick seconds. She turns towards Jock, a smile plastered "You want to get a drink now…maybe do some shoe shopping?"

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Hermione moans as she sits on the floor next to her daughter, "Mummy personally wants to apologize for you…because if you ever get hairy and have to get a bikini wax like mum I will personally buy you the world's most expensive diamonds…and shoes."

The baby who is dressed in a little black and white couture dress and shoes to match giggles, seeing her mother give monkey like face because her body's hair had just been removed by the roots not but an hour ago.

The baby starts to move her fingers against her mother's red heels and looks up, "Shoe"

Hermione giggled, "Yes…a shoe. You're like me…your going to be a shoe addict. Then daddy won't know what to do when there are two huge shoe closets in the manor."

The baby looks at her own little baby shoe and moves her little fingers over the black hearts that are on them. She looks up at her mum, "Boo!"

"Yes those are blue hearts…you know where mummy got those shoes for you? L.A.M.B yeah Gwen Steffani designed those shoes….your super kawaii! Hey you're like a harijuku baby." Hermione smiles.

The baby claps and laughs, her eyes blink at Hermione's pretty necklace.

Hermione looks down at her necklace then at her daughter, "Yeah, see you're too young for diamonds…I'm afraid you'll swallow them. Don't worry daddy has already told me that when you're old enough, he wants to get your five carat diamond earrings for you…yeah he is crazy right. Also maybe in a month me and you can get your nails done, you know like a manicure…that'd be cute. Maybe go eat out or something…some mother daughter thing. See grandma…"

"Granma!" the baby giggles.

Hermione nods, "Yeah that Granma…she use to take me out for outings when I was little. Around the coast and stuff. She used to take me shopping, and maybe we could do that…won't that be fun?"

The baby giggles and coos and starts to play with her toys again.

Hermione smiles, "Yeah…we could go toy shopping. Maybe when you're a bit older I can take you to the American Girl place in New York and we can have tea and buy you dolls and stuff…see you have a daddy that loves you, and I love your daddy. Mine left me and my brother…so doing things like that were out of the question at that age."

The baby plays with her tiffany rattle and her stuffed animal black kitten named 'Boo' she is nowhere without.

Hermione continues, "Boo is a very lucky stuffed animal, he has an owner that loves him…you want a real kitty? Maybe one like Boo that you can pet and hold…I mean I know I was against the whole horse thing…but if you want a kitty…we can get you one."

The baby sits looking and playing with Boo.

"I had a kitty, his name was Crookshanks…but he died. He is in the dog cemetery with all the other Malfoy animals like Captain. Did you know he was the first cat to be buried there? Before Crookshanks all cats were buried in Grandmere's garden. "

Hermione watches her daughter play and continues, "Did you know daddy could have gone to Drumstrang? Because your grandfather wanted him to go but your Grandmere didn't want him to go so far away? If you want to go to Drumstrang you can. I mean at first I thought it was an all boys school…but I found out they allow girl students as well. So if you want to wear scarlet & fur that's okay…I mean at least you won't have to hear me and daddy blabber on about what house your going to be in…" she giggles, "Even though I wish you could be a gryffindor, but if you do go to Hogwarts and your in slytherin then that will be fine too. You'll spread some fashion sense and snarky comments won't you? Just whatever you do always come to me before you bring a boy home…because daddy won't like it."

Hermione runs her fingers through her daughters blonde hair, "A lot of boys will like you, and I want you to know I will never be one of those embarrassing mums who embarrass there kids deliberately, even though I can't promise the same about your father. Trust me, I'm sure your dad will not like it if a boy calls around twelve am or something and he is like." She puts on a skateboard guy accent, "Yo is ugh Teagan there?'" she goes back to normal, "And your dad will be all like 'who the hell is this?' and he will be like 'dude chill out man' and your dad will say 'no I will not chill out.' And then skater boy will be all like 'dude I just called to say hello to Teagan man, you dig?' and your dad will be all like 'the only thing I will be digging is your grave hippie boy!'" Hermione smiles, "Don't worry mummy will be there…ill be there and on your side. Oh and we can go Yule ball dress shopping too…fun right? I'm always here for you to talk to…even when things get rough."

The baby picks up her toy and begins to walk off.

Hermione gets up slowly and starts to wince as she feels the burn, "Ohhh, Teagan Mummy is sore you could at least warn me you wanted to play…"

She chases her daughter down the hallway; her daughter had become quite the walker…

Sometime Hermione just needed to talk and even if Teagan didn't understand it now…she would realize she had one of the best mothers in the world.

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Author's note: Yep that's it for today, don't know when ill be able to update…but ill try. I'm headed for New York and you can see by the chat with Hermione and Teagan I desperately want a girl! Not that I don't love my son…but a girl can only take it so far as to when she comes home and realizes her whole house is dominated by guys! There are more sports illustrated and playboy then cosmopolitan magazines and that says something. Even though I do sometimes like playboy myself…they have good interviews in there!

Anyway thanks for reading and the reviews.


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